Concert in the Park!

By Ainsley Roberts

My Mom and Dad took me to the park to see a concert recently.  Please don't get confused by the word "park".  They pumped me up all day to go to this so-called "park" to see a concert.  Upon arriving, I immediately noticed that there was no slide or swings.  Some park.  Thanks, Mom and Dad.  

What this strange "park" did have was old people.  Lots of old people.  We got there 30 minutes early, and HUNDREDS of old people were already there as if they'd been there for hours.  None of them seemed upset about the lack of swings or slides.  Things were very strange, indeed.

Just as we began to see all the interesting old people in their lawn chairs, Mom forced me to get in line for the Port-a-Potty.  That woman has an obsession with potties.  We just went before we left the house, and she wants us to go again?  Seriously, woman.  Anyway, I put up a fight, but gave in after she promised me ice cream.  Upon entering the potty, I noticed all the wonderful things I wanted to touch.  There was a little bowl on the side that I NEEDED to peer into.  Mom thought this was a bad move.  In fact, she went on a slight tirade about not touching things.  After using the bathroom, we had to sanitize our hands for a good thirty seconds.  I've now been at this "park" for 10 minutes and done absolutely nothing fun.  This woman knows how to have a good time, eh?

We went to find Dad and Durham.  Dad had set up the chairs.  Durham was in his stroller.  Old people seemed excited by his presence.  No one was really noticing me.  I could change that.  I began to dance and skip.  I even pulled the move where I close my eyes, throw my arms out, and face the sky.  That really gets the crowd going.  I opened my eyes and no one was watching.  Tough crowd.  

Mom suggested that I take a seat.  I tend to not do anything that she suggests, so I decided to lay on the blanket.  I laid here just long enough to remember that promise about ice cream.  Mom was sure dropping the ball on this trip.  I eagerly reminded her about the special treat.  

And she told me we should wait until later.  Seriously, woman!?  I looked at the sky.  I took off my shoes.  I attempted to pet unknown dogs.  What else was there to do at this park?

Durham, being just a baby, was content to just sit around doing nothing.  I am a big girl.  I know about the world.  I'm not going to just sit on this blanket.  I needed to network.  I decided to start talking to random strangers.  Turns out they WERE watching me dance.  And they loved it.  Perhaps I needed to do another round?  Who am I to deny the crowd what they want?  Just as I was dancing, everyone burst into applause and the music got much louder.  THEY LOVED IT.  

Mom and I walked down to the front to watch these people dance around on stage.  I decided to show them that I was better.  I was so much better that I even sat down so the crowd would stop watching me and watch them instead.  I didn't want to be a glory-hog.  

Mom and I walked back to our blanket and chairs.  Wait...the ICE CREAM.  We still didn't have any.  I was starting to think that there wasn't any ice cream here.  I reminded them again about the ice cream.  This time, Dad and I went to purchase our treat.  He gave me the choice of strawberry or chocolate.  Puh-lease, man.  Do you NOT know me?  Chocolate.  We returned to our blankets to enjoy our purchase.  

Durham didn't get any.  He was still just rolling around on the blanket.  

It was delicious.  I finished an entire adult-sized portion.  How?  Because I'm just that amazing. 

Soon, the mother of one of my babysitters came to say hello.  She invited me back to her seats.  I went, because this was a networking possibility.  Upon arriving at her seats, I noticed her cooler.  Once again, I am a big girl.  I know what is in coolers.  The greatest, most wonderful thing ever.  ICE!  I immediately asked her for one.  She gave me one because I am so good looking.  I dropped it on the ground, but she gave me another.  I decided to purposefully drop another on the ground to test this woman.  Would she get upset?  Would she give me another?  You know what?  She gave me another!  She obviously is enamored by my beauty and wit.  

When I got back to our seats, Mom and Dad wanted to leave.  Mom and Dad wanted to beat the traffic.  Here's one last shot of Baby Durham.  He's smiling because he didn't realize that we were leaving to go HOME and TO BED.  He's so naive.